Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Existential Struggles Are More Fun With Guns


No. Really. Orcs show up in a national park, and the rangers fight them. I mean, obviously. These guys aren't going to settle for putting people's heads on spikes. They're going to steal pic-a-nic baskets!
Right after they assault the fortified post full of guys with guns. Which...hey, War Chief Grumsh, could I maybe show you something?

That's single-shot Martini-Henrys that the Human Menace is wielding there. Look, I know that your mission statement ("We're going to eat human face!") has a certain zing, compared with, say, "we're going to hole up tight until we've invented breechloading rifles and maybe some artillery support") but trust a guy from out of the trenches of corporate culture. Zing can be counterproductive. So whatcha think, Grumsh?

No. That won't do at all. Someone put a lot of careful work into that chain mail shirt you're wearing. I'm sure that he wasn't a warrior. Probably more like a smith or something. What's he make? Sixty bucks an hour? Any openings?

I guess you're right. I wear my human privilege so thick I didn't even realise that it would be a problem. I totally see your point. We start by shooting some nice anti-colonialist militia in Natal, and before you know it, we've moved on to exterminating a bunch of inherently evil humanoids who've done nothing worse than created a fullscale medieval economy somewhere up a back valley in Yellowstone and then come down to share the fruits of your labours. Or at least the sharp, pointy bits.

And who can blame you? That couple down at the bus stop the other day seemed to find each other's faces delicious, so who can blame you for wanting the same. I want it too. But do what I do. Write long blogs about Grace Park. It doesn't really work, but it does create long blog postings. And instead you could build factories and create a military-industrial complex. And one day, you could have all the human face you can eat. Or whatever.

No, true, you, personally, would probably be dead by that time, and you'd never have eaten human face at all. But gruel's good, too!

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